*** Disclaimer: This was written before God blessed me with my man of God, but I am sure that this can be a blessing for someone out there***
Since I can remember my past relationships have been filled with nothing but heartbreak after heartbreak after heartbreak. Whether it was me doing the heartbreak or receiving the heartbreak it is a cycle that I am ready for it to end, because I am no longer cut out for the games. I can no longer do relationships that last any longer than a minute (my longest relationship being seven months and the shortest being close to a month). Personally it is a waste of my time and the man’s time when a so called relationship lasts that long.
First I must admit that I am one of those persons who wears my feelings on my sleeve. It does not take much for me to become attached to a person, and that goes to my love for people period. Male or female… I am just a people person. I have never had a hard time making friends because for the most part I am one of the most transparent people that you could meet. However, it is the area of relationships that I seem to have a problem with, and I have not figured out how to keep a man.
I will not sit up here and say nothing is wrong with me, because as we all know everyone has flaws. That goes without saying and as much as I would love to believe that I am perfect (LOL) the reality is I am NOT Jesus. With that being said I know I am flawed. The difference I think with me is that I am able to recognize my flaws, and even more amazing I am more than willing to work on my flaws. Now how many people you know can do that? I am not afraid of changing and I welcome constructive criticism, especially if at the end of the day it will make me a much better person for the Kingdom of God. I feel that if I am better servant of God then I will be a better person for my friends and family.
But is it so hard for me to meet a man who will honestly and truly love me for me. Who will not run at the first sign of trouble, and be able to stand with me through the good and the bad. Who will be patient with me as I work on growing to become the virtuous woman God has called me to be. Someone who I don’t have to ask to call, text, email, or do any other form of communication to me because he will do all these things because he cannot go through his day with knowing that I am fine and hearing my voice. I wanna know that smile on his face I had something to do with it. Who will keep it real with me and be able to respectfully tell me when I am tripping. Who won't tell me that they love me but only later to take it back when things are not going the way they expected… In other words my man made just for me… My Boaz…
I am aware that this requires patience and remaining focused on the things that God has placed before
me. My problem is just waiting… That is the hard part for me. I want to love and I want to be loved. I am sure that the man God has for me will know how to love me just the way I deserved to be loved. I just want to know how to wait on my Boaz, and how will know when he finally comes into my life? I am afraid that because of the things I have been through that I may miss him, if I have not missed him already…